


Hiraeth

by Little_Miss_Anime_Luva



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Home, Homesickness, Nostalgia, beware of the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24128371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Miss_Anime_Luva/pseuds/Little_Miss_Anime_Luva
Summary: hiraeth (n); a homesickness to a home which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was, the nostalgia, the yearning, the grieve for the lost places of your past.----Loki reflects on his home up until this point
Relationships: Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja/Odin (Marvel), Loki & Odin (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> So I found some definitions on Tumblr and had some inspiration. It's far too late at night for me lol
> 
> I grabbed it and ran with it so enjoy. 
> 
> *Not beta read or double checked lol. If there are any mistakes let me know.

Loki didn't often find himself thinking about Asgard these days.

After everything that had happened with the Mad Titan, Hela and Ragnarok, Loki was focused on catching up on things that he hadn't had time for up until now. Having moved to Midgard for the time being, his days were filled with ensuring his privacy, reading, catching up on studying his spell work, and most importantly, his recovery.

Midgard wasn't exactly the most comfortable of realms to settle on considering his invasion attempt. However, Thor had surprised him with his seemingly new found ability to not only convince the Midgardians' leaders that he was 'reformed', but by also managing to talk Loki into staying on the realm at all. He still isn't quite sure how the oaf pulled that off but he has to admit that the small cabin provided by Stark in Tylöskog, a forest in the hills of 'Sweden', was very peaceful and a welcome change to the horrors and chaos of the past 8 years.

In between finding out about his adoption and true identity, falling into the void with the following torture, being thrown into the dungeons after his botched invasion, the loss of his mother in the battle with the elves, his brief stint as the All-father which ended with Odin's death and Hela's release to cause Ragnarok, and finally the final battle with Thanos, Loki hadn't had time to just sit and read or work on his spellwork.

Sure he had some time in his cell with a few books provided to him by his mother, but he was mostly trying to recover his mind at that point from his Chitauri leaving him incapable of registering any words for the two weeks he was there. Likewise, he may have had time as the All-Father to do such things, but he was mostly focused on his guise as Odin and strategizing ways to boost Asgard's defenses and offenses to best arm them against Thanos when he inevitably arrived (of course, all of his efforts were rendered pointless upon the discovery of his hidden sister and their role in Ragnarok). His time on Sakaar, on the other hand, was spent ensuring his place outside of the fighting pits (convincing one of the Elders of the Universe that he was of more use in his bed than in the pits was surprisingly easy).

All things considered, Loki had been sure that he would never get a chance to rest and regain some semblance of peace.

But peace he did find. And on Midgard of all places, provided by the very people he had fought almost a decade ago. Humans were such forgiving things. Though he supposed that they would have to be with such short lifespans.

So no; Loki had not had the chance to dwell too much on his life in Asgard for a while.

He had had the chance to seethe on the betrayal dealt to him by his supposed father. He had had the chance to reflect and curse himself for his part in his mother's death at the hands of the abomination he directed into the palace. He had had the chance to witness Odin declare him his son one final time before his death and go on to meet yet another family member (whose death he would also have a hand in bringing about).

After it all, He had the opportunity to turn around and leave Thor to deal with his own problems. He had the opportunity turn his back the people who so often turned their back on him. He had the opportunity to reclaim the Infinity Stone held in the vaults and run in hopes of evading the Mad Titan.

He supposed not taking those opportunities led him here to this peace and tranquillity in the aftermath of Thanos' defeat, so he was content. 

It was in one such peaceful moment in his cabin in the cool crisp air of the Scandinavian forest, that Loki decided to think of Asgard.

Not of Asgard as it was in its last moments (charred, crackling and being disintegrated as Surtur ran his blade through its centre), or in its last few decades, marked as it was by the people with their distrustful stares and Thor's friend with their subtle insults and jabs, but as it was a millennia ago.

An afternoon breeze blew past one day and thoughts of the Asgardian hills as he rode as an adolescent over the rocky terrain on his horse washed over him, making him dizzy and momentarily disoriented thinking he was once again on those hills making his way back to the palace.

Occasionally, his daily solo martial training was interrupted by memories of grinning and laughing while roughhousing with Thor in the training yards as the soldiers cheered them on and bet on that day's winner. The memories would be so vivid, he would pause and have to start again, wondering why his focus could be derailed so easily by such a mundane part of his previous life.

He was finishing a spell one morning when a feeling of giddiness one day threatened to overwhelm him. It reminded him suddenly of a similar time in his childhood when he would complete a spell and go running through the palace hall in excitement in search of his mother. The memories of finding her in her garden, surrounded by the bright colours and coiling scents of her prized flowers, and proudly showing her his new skill gripped his heart and stole his breath. 

He was eating his breakfast of herbed omelet and meat when he had the urge to look up and share about his findings from the day before, only to find that he was alone in the cabin. He wasn't sure why he was expecting to see his brother sitting across from him, chewing loudly on his own meat, with his father eating calmly to his right and his mother with her soft smiles and encouraging glances to his left, but he found that their absence left a surprisingly sharp stab of emptiness in his chest.

He hadn't dwelled on Asgard in so long; when did he start to miss it?

He believed that the humans had a name for this feeling of longing sadness; Homesickness.

In light of the revelations in more recent years, he had been sure he had cast it from his thoughts as his home. The place he lived for a millennia as a child had been tarnished by the lies and the realisation that he had been nothing but a war prize and political tool at worst, or a product of Odin's pity and guilt at best.

It had been a millennia in which he had been ridiculed and mocked for his use of seidr, held in contempt and suspicion for his use of strategy and evasion over bullheaded strength, and cast in the shadows of his brother's blinding light.

However, it seemed that at the end of the day, it _had_ been his home for at least a millennia.

It was a millennia in which he had his family, no matter whether it was by blood or bond. It was a millennia in which his mother was there to guide him, his father was there to teach him politics and the power of words, and where his brother was there with his brightness and cheer. It was a millennia in which he grew from boy to man, experiencing love, joy, and excitement before all the pain and suffering.

The grief over his lost home hit him one morning with a suddenness and an intensity of the Hulk's punch he suffered all those years ago. It came with a clogged throat, an erratic heart, and shaking limbs. A yearning so deep, his heart and stomach seemed to drop and fall as though he was once again in the depths of the void.

It seemed like hours before he regained control of his heart and mind. When he did, he readied a spell and made his way across the globe to find his brother.

He hoped he could hold the last piece of his home in his arms once again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment :D I'd love to hear your thoughts!


End file.
